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Election Mantra

Breathe: Slowly in, hold, and slowly out. Repeat.

I will vote for My Guy on Election Day. Even though I know one vote rarely tips the balance, it’s what I have, and I will use it.


Even if That Asshole wins on Election Day, Our Party will do what we can to block his agenda in Congress, tie him up in the courts. I know that ultimately, power comes from the people.


Even if My Guy wins on Election Day, that will not make everything right. There’s a lot of work just undoing the damage that the Previous Asshole did. And My Guy might have to face a hostile Congress and spurious legal challenges. Their Party has a supply of ignorant maniacs willing to take the streets at the drop of a hat. I will endure.


Truth be told, I don’t agree 100% with My Guy anyway. I’m not happy with his track record on health care, and I don’t agree with him 100% about foreign policy, especially in the Middle East. His economic and tax plans seem like a good idea, but I don’t see how they’ll work out in practice. Also, his running mate is a weirdo. But if nothing else he’ll do a better job than That Asshole, so I’ll vote for My Guy all the same.


Rx: 1 daily, repeat as needed prn political anxiety.

Side effects may include nausea, vomiting, and loss of partisanship.

For advanced students only: replace ‘My Guy’ with ‘That Asshole’, etc. to see how the other half lives.

(The funny thing is, as I typed this, I kept writing ‘Berate’ instead of ‘Breathe’.)