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Election Mantra

Breathe: Slowly in, hold, and slowly out. Repeat.

I will vote for My Guy on Election Day. Even though I know one vote rarely tips the balance, it’s what I have, and I will use it.

Breathe.

Even if That Asshole wins on Election Day, Our Party will do what we can to block his agenda in Congress, tie him up in the courts. I know that ultimately, power comes from the people.

Breathe.

Even if My Guy wins on Election Day, that will not make everything right. There’s a lot of work just undoing the damage that the Previous Asshole did. And My Guy might have to face a hostile Congress and spurious legal challenges. Their Party has a supply of ignorant maniacs willing to take the streets at the drop of a hat. I will endure.

Breathe.

Truth be told, I don’t agree 100% with My Guy anyway. I’m not happy with his track record on health care, and I don’t agree with him 100% about foreign policy, especially in the Middle East. His economic and tax plans seem like a good idea, but I don’t see how they’ll work out in practice. Also, his running mate is a weirdo. But if nothing else he’ll do a better job than That Asshole, so I’ll vote for My Guy all the same.

Breathe.

Rx: 1 daily, repeat as needed prn political anxiety.

Side effects may include nausea, vomiting, and loss of partisanship.

For advanced students only: replace ‘My Guy’ with ‘That Asshole’, etc. to see how the other half lives.

(The funny thing is, as I typed this, I kept writing ‘Berate’ instead of ‘Breathe’.)